When you are caught up in perfectionism or overachieving, you thrive on getting things right and doing them well. Let’s face it, for most of us, it’s much more preferable to do something we excel at rather than something we struggle with. I know this from experience. Recently, I started a new exercise program, and quite frankly, I am not good at it — at all. Besides having trouble getting all the moves down or the form right, I am pretty weak. Yes, that’s me in the back of the room – huffing, puffing, pausing, turned around in the wrong direction, and asking why exactly am I doing this to myself? Especially when so many others seem to have this down and glide through the moves so masterfully.

It sure does feel wonderful to do something well. Competence leads to confidence – and that is why we tend to keep doing the things we are good at it, and shy away from the things with which we struggle. Particularly for individuals who may struggle with perfectionism and anxiety. When we remain in the comfort zone of mastery we may:

  • Feel positively about ourselves.
  • Get praise and attention from others.
  • Avoid uncomfortable feelings like stress, anxiety, frustration, embarrassment, failure, and disappointment.

But we also pay a price. When we stick only with what we are good at, we deny ourselves:

  • The excitement of novelty,
  • The privilege of learning,
  • The satisfaction of progress, and
  • Personal growth.

So how does one accept and push through all the discomfort of doing something difficult (and not very well), in order to reap the benefits?

  • Don’t take yourself so seriously: I’ve approached my new exercise class with a sense of lightness, humor, and non-judgment. Check your ego at the door and stop comparing yourself to others. Be kind to yourself!
  • Give yourself permission to focus on the process, not the outcome: Focus on learning and doing, staying mindful and in-the-moment. I’m not concerning myself with accomplishing a perfect workout. I just keep showing up and getting through it one step at a time. And yes, after many weeks of struggling, I can finally hold myself in plank position for 30 seconds.
  • Be vulnerable and connect with others: Accepting help and learning from people who are more knowledgeable is a great way to connect with others in a meaningful way. When I am lost and clueless in class, I look to instructors for help. They are happy to give it, and I’m grateful for their guidance.

Engaging in something that you’re not very good at allows you, in a way, to be a beginner. And that’s not such a bad thing. Steve Jobs said of his firing from Apple, “The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.” So, challenge yourself to do something new and hard, even if you are bad at it. You may be surprised at how it allows you to grow. And if you find yourself really stuck in patterns dictated by anxiety or perfectionism, therapy can be very helpful in getting unstuck.

<Photo Credit: Curtis Mac Newton via Unsplash>