Disappointment happens to all of us. We have high expectations for an outcome or an event – it could be a job offer, a business deal, a relationship, a test grade, a tryout – and then we suddenly are forced to face a letdown. This can be so emotionally difficult. Often we build up hope and envision a positive result, only to have to navigate an alternate reality.

For those who struggle with anxiety or depression, it can be even more challenging. The “all or nothing” thinking that accompanies anxiety and depression sets one up for the most fabulous outcome versus a complete disaster – without much room to consider something in between. For instance, awaiting a job offer might be the difference between your once-in-a-lifetime “perfect” job opportunity versus never being employed again – with neither being a realistic or likely result.

If you find yourself struggling with disappointment, here are five tips to help you cope:

  • Allow yourself to feel your feelings: Disappointment is a cousin to grief. It’s a loss — of a hope or a dream. Give yourself the space to cry or be sad about it. Reach out to your support system as a sounding board and empathetic ear – whether it’s your best friend or your cat. This is also a good time for self-care which might look like a warm bath, a good book, a favorite movie, a walk outside, or listening to comforting music.
  • Remind yourself of overcoming past letdowns: This can’t be the first time you’ve been disappointed. How did you move through setbacks that have occurred before? What’s worked for you? Who was helpful? You are here to tell the tale now, so you were able to find the strength to muscle through. How can you tap into those strengths and resources now? And looking through the rearview mirror: were these setbacks as detrimental as they seemed at the time? If not, then your current disappointment may not have the devastating consequences you believe.
  • Set realistic expectations: When faced with a negative outcome, check in with yourself and ask, “Were my expectations realistic?” Sometimes our hope for the best turns into a premature emotional investment. When dealing with uncertainty while awaiting an outcome, it is important to weigh various possible results even though we may heavily favor one of them. It’s important to take some time to visualize how life may appear in all of the likely scenarios and how you could adapt to negative outcomes.
  • Look for opportunities in setbacks: The saying goes, “When one door closes, another one opens.” Sometimes a negative outcome leads to a better one. It may not always be on your timeline or in the form that you’d expect, but often a sharp turn leads to a new opportunity. Think back to past disappointments and the good things that eventually came after them – as a result of or in spite of them. There is something positive likely waiting beyond your current roadblock.
  • Develop flexibility: Flexibility and resilience are important qualities of emotional wellbeing. Particularly for those who are anxious or depressed, being rigid can be an unhealthy way to try to manage uncertainty. If you find yourself disappointed frequently, learning to become more psychologically adaptive can be beneficial. Letting go and becoming confident in your ability to handle whatever comes your way is a process, and therapy can be a great place to work on this type of personal growth.

Feeling disappointed is a natural human emotion. However, if you find yourself let down often or if your emotional reactions to setbacks are big and hard to manage, you may want to consider professional support. In counseling, you can develop skills to regulate emotions and learn more helpful ways of thinking — empowering you to better cope with life’s disappointments.

 

<Photo Credit: Andrew Branch via Unsplash>