Despite parents’ valid concerns about technology usage, it is important to understand how anxious teens find it useful and how therapy can fit in.

Parents these days are often shaking their heads when it comes to technology and their teens. Whether it’s phones, tablets, computers, or gaming systems, it seems that teens are spending a lot of time with their screens and this has parents concerned. It is true that screens may be standing in the way of teens socializing and communicating in more traditional ways, such as face-to-face and hanging out. Those “people skills” are very important to learn in order to navigate our world well. As we all know, social media can have serious pitfalls too, with issues such as online bullying, feelings of inadequacy comparing self to others, or feelings of exclusion when seeing pictures of friends hanging out without them.

However, for those teens who are struggling with generalized or social anxiety, connecting with others online holds some appeal. Here are four reasons why anxious teens may be finding technology helpful:

  • Communication: For many anxious teens, it is simply easier to be social online. Anxiety can get in the way of a person’s ability to process information. Think about how being in a stressful situation can make someone become flustered trying to find the right thing to say. Communicating via typing versus talking can reduce anxiety by giving a person more time to think about what they want to say and how they want to say it. This reduces self-consciousness and feelings of embarrassment.
  • Convenience: Connecting with people online is more convenient; two people don’t have to be in the same place at the same time. This means that teens don’t have to figure out logistics of how to meet up. Online socializing can happen more often and more spontaneously than in “real life.”
  • Comfort and Safety: For many anxious teens, it can feel safer to express their thoughts and feelings online. Lack of facial expressions or other means of nonverbal reactions by the “listener” seems to break down barriers for the “speaker.” And when teens witness other people opening up and getting support from friends online, they can feel more comfortable talking about their own emotions too.
  • Common Interests: For anxious teens, it can be so much easier to find like-minded peers online. There are online communities and activities built around all sorts of unique interests (such as video games, music, movies, and hobbies) that an anxious teen can surely find someone who shares their enthusiasm for a specific passion.

So, it can unhelpful for adults to deem technology as all bad. Understanding the benefits anxious teens get from their online social lives can help the adults in their lives better support them. Parents can help by making sure their teens know about internet safety and tuning into their teen’s online usage. It can be hard to find that delicate balance between giving teens some independence and privacy, while maintaining safety. Parents should bring an open curiosity to their conversations with teens, while minimizing judgement and criticism, in order to cultivate an effective dialogue. This will encourage teens to feel safer opening up and talking about what they are doing online.

Parents can also help anxious teens figure out ways to build upon their online social success and transfer it to real-time, in-person interactions and relationships. This is where working with a therapist can help. In therapy, teens can learn to recognize their strengths, refine their skills, rework unhelpful ways of thinking, and better manage their anxiety.

<Photo credit: Marjan Grabowksi via Unsplash>