People I see coming in for therapy are generally unhappy with their current situation and want things to be better. Maybe it is dissatisfaction with themselves, a relationship, career or school. Often getting what they want involves thinking or behaving in a different way than they are used to. For those with anxiety, this may require getting a little uncomfortable. Let’s face it — discomfort is icky. For those who are anxious, the impulse may be to avoid the “ick.” However, avoiding that which makes you uncomfortable simply maintains anxiety and keeps you stuck where you are. The only way to get results is to push through the discomfort and experience it — again and again, until it starts to feel more comfortable.

Easier said than done, I know. With that in mind, I decided recently to expand my own comfort zone to a) achieve a goal I set for myself, and b) to walk the talk I lay out for my own clients each week. That is why I’ve begun to do some public speaking. Public speaking is one of the most common fears out there, so I know I’m in good company. How did I manage to successfully get past the anxiety? Here are 3 tips that helped me move out of my comfort zone and may help you widen yours:

1) Change your self-talk: Yes, we talk to ourselves even if it’s silently within our own thoughts. These thoughts can determine if we go for goals or hold ourselves back. Here are some examples of negative self-talk that can be very powerful, but not necessarily true:

  • “I have nothing important to say.”
  • “People are going to think this is a waste of time.”
  • “I’m going to mess up and everyone will think badly of me.”

When we counter these inaccurate thoughts with healthier self-talk, the situation becomes less threatening, allowing us to take steps beyond the comfort zone. Doesn’t this kind of self-talk sound more reasonable and less intimidating?

  • “I have knowledge from which others may benefit.”
  • “Even if attendees learn one new thing, it will be worth their time.”
  • “I’m human and I may very well make a mistake. That’s OK – others may not even notice, or care.”

2) Use mindful breathing: That fear factor creates a real physical response within your body. Your body is designed to undergo changes when you feel threatened. An uncomfortable situation can feel like a threat and that is when you may experience things like rapid breathing and/or heartbeat, butterflies in your stomach, etc. You can help reverse these physiological responses by engaging in mindful breathing. I like to encourage clients to do “square breathing” because it’s easy to remember: inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, and hold for 4 counts. Repeat several times. Try doing this when you are about to take a step out of your comfort zone and want to turn back. It just might help you push through and do it.

3) Adjust expectations: What I find is that many people have extreme, or black and white thinking. They have this ideal version of how things should go and anything less is devastating. So they don’t even venture towards their goals because their expectations are so intimidating. Whatever your goal is — getting a new career, making friends, finding a partner, getting healthier, or being a public speaker – adjust your picture. Just think about what the next step towards your goal could be. What could be good enough? Going to the gym six days a week for one hour workouts would get you healthier, but may be too intimidating to even start or maintain. Maybe a 30-minute walk 3 times a week is more doable, it’s healthy, and better than not ever getting started in the first place.

I’m thankful that I’ve been able to push my boundary when it comes to public speaking. I’ve been having a great experience with it and have plans to do more in the future. Anxiety can hold us back from living our lives to the fullest. There are ways to get unstuck and begin to move forward. If you feel it’s time to begin making changes and you’re having a hard time doing it on your own, you may want to consider therapy. It might be just what you need to move beyond your comfort zone.

 

<Photo Credit: María Victoria Heredia Reyes via Unsplash>