Do you feel your heart race when you turn the calendar page from November to December? Does your growing gift-shopping list make you break out into a sweat? Maybe the thought of a family holiday dinner brings a sinking feeling to your stomach? If so, it sounds like you’re dealing with some holiday-related stress.
We all know about the idealized cultural expectations of holiday happiness, togetherness, and joy. However, very few will argue that the winter season can bring with it issues like stress, anxiety, or depression. The reality of the holidays can be tough whether it is due to self-imposed pressures or life circumstances such as the loss of a loved one, family conflict, or financial hardship.
While we don’t always have control over external circumstances, we do have the ability to separate out what we ourselves might be doing to complicate the holidays – and then change it. Do you really need to make twelve different kinds of cookies? Must you respond “yes” to every holiday invite? Only you know what’s non-negotiable for your holiday season, and it’s helpful to become intentional and preemptively assess what you will engage in before you’re in the thick of it. That’s why I suggest compiling a holiday “undo” list to reduce holiday stress and amp up holiday peace and enjoyment.
What’s a Holiday “Undo” List?
A holiday “undo” list simply helps you examine what you feel that you have to do and then determine what you actually want to do. From there, you shed or adjust stress-inducing items. You probably have more of a choice than you realize. This is a link to a printable Holiday Undo List template, and here’s how to use it:
- Make a list of everything you feel that you need to do. Think through gifts, social obligations, family events, cooking, decorating, entertaining, travel, etc.
- Go down the list and check off the things that bring you joy. These are the things you would like to do, the ones you are looking forward to in December. These are the keepers!
- Evaluate what’s left. Look at the items that you didn’t check off. These are tasks you might find a chore or maybe you’re even dreading. Now, ask yourself:
- “Can I eliminate it?” Gracefully decline an annual invitation. Someone you’re not that close with anymore still on your gift-shopping list? Cross his name off. Just because you may have always done something, doesn’t mean you need to continue doing it.
- “Can I modify it?” Buy a pie instead of making it from scratch. Give one gift for each of the people on your list in place of three. Stay local instead of traveling. Post a family picture and holiday wishes on social media instead of mailing cards. Try revising what you might normally do to take the pressure off.
- “Can I delegate it?” Perhaps someone else can organize the office party, host the dinner, or do some of the shopping. Letting go of some of your responsibilities will help you lose some of the stress — and possible resentment — giving someone else the opportunity to contribute. Don’t feel guilty passing along some tasks.
- “How can I accept it?” If you find yourself choosing to do something you really don’t want to do, there may be a good reason behind it. Perhaps hosting a gathering of your in-laws enables you to maintain a good relationship with your spouse? Or attending the holiday party at work helps you get in front of the managers who could help you get ahead in your career? Come to terms with your choice. If there is a benefit there, acknowledging it will make doing it more palatable.
Once you’ve gone through the list, were you able to reduce your obligations and/or change some assumptions you had on your list? If not, I encourage you to look it over again and rethink it. What’s holding you back? Are you afraid of disappointing someone? Or how you might look to others? If these worries come into play, think about the price you pay from overextending yourself. Is it worth it?
By taking the time to lay out your perceived obligations and evaluating what can stay and what can go, you can make your holiday season more manageable, enjoyable, and meaningful. If you have a hard time letting go of control, or find it difficult saying “no” to others, it could be helpful to explore these issues in therapy. Changing unhelpful thinking, learning assertiveness skills, and gaining psychological flexibility can assist you in getting out of your own way.
<Photo credit: Annie Spratt via Unsplash>